If chickens had a professional wrestling league, this one would be headlining every match under the name “The Coop Crusher.”

If chickens had a luxury product line, this one would be laying eggs for the Paris runway.

If chickens had a “most likely to startle a first-time chicken keeper” award, this one would win it without ruffling a feather.

With their cloud-like feathers and sweetheart personalities, Orpingtons are the gentle giants every coop didn’t know it needed.

If ever there were a chicken that could balance laying eggs, raising chicks, and reciting the Constitution from memory, it’d be the Plymouth Rock.

If there’s a chicken that could win “Employee of the Month” every month, it’s the Rhode Island Red.

With its glittery speckled feathers and hard-working attitude, the Speckledy is the overachiever that does it all — and makes it look easy.

If you want a chicken that’s calm, classy, and still lays like it’s got rent to pay — the Sussex is your bird.

With rustic good looks and a voice like gravel, the Welsummer is the folk singer of the chicken world — natural, charming, and occasionally loud.